By Jennifer S. Wilkov, Survivor – Author – Collaborator. Celebrating Humanity Gracefully.
We all have moments in our lives when we don’t feel supported. It’s part of the human condition and experience.
Too often, I see others walk around feeling unsupported, telling others how they don’t feel supported, even declaring it to the Universe that they are not supported. Funny enough, they continue to broadcast the message that they are “unsupported.”
More often than not, I tend to also find that these are the same people who when I ask, “How can I best support you?” respond by saying, “I don’t know.” This makes it extremely complicated for me – a generous, intelligent and interested person – to figure out how to help them feel more supported.
The other day I was thinking about what I have done through the variety of experiences and situations I’ve lived through – and how I got the support I needed and wanted.
Here’s how I did it and what I’ve concluded:
1) Attitude is everything. You broadcast what you believe. I always believed people wanted to support me. Even if they couldn’t directly support me with exactly what I needed in that exact moment, they were doing their very best and helping me in whatever way they could.
Conclusion: If you keep telling the Universe that you are unsupported, then the Universe will get the message that you are not supposed to be supported. That’s what you’re broadcasting so that’s what you’re going to get more of.
2) Everyone is doing the best they can with what they have. Each person can offer support and assistance in their own way. They’ll do it with the best intentions and not think twice about it. No one person will offer the same support because we all have a different slice that we can provide.
Conclusion: Accept what people do give. Receive it warmly and graciously. Don’t expect them to give you what they can’t. If they are unable to support you in the way you need it, be grateful and gracious for their sheer interest in wanting to help you.
3) Nobody knows better than you what feels supportive for you except YOU. Everybody can offer what they have and put forth their form of support in whatever way they can give it. But the truth is they are only guessing if it’s really the “best way” to support you.
Conclusion: Other people can’t read your mind or know what makes you feel great and supported. You have to tell them what exactly makes you feel supported. If you are on an island running around broadcasting that you feel unsupported yet don’t tell others how they can best support and assist you, then you are living on fantasy island waiting for others to figure you out. The truth is…they can’t. Moreover, many people don’t want to spend their time trying to figure you out. The truth is they’re spending that time figuring themselves out and what makes them feel good.
Bottomline: You’ll get better support when you can tell others what that means for you and how they can best give it to you.
My advice to you if you feel unsupported:
Get off your island of unhappiness and start identifying what makes you feel good and supported in your home and work life, your relationships and in every area of your life. Then tell the people around you how they can best support you. When they ask you, “How can I best support you?” – be specific and answer them. Listen to what they say and offer. Understand and appreciate they are offering what they can. It may not be exactly what you want but they are being generous and giving you the support they have to give.
Thank them and love them in their kindness. Let their thoughts of wanting to help be enough if they are unable to give you exactly what you’ve asked for.
By broadcasting the message that you are supported in every area of your life, you will be. Plain and simple.
Your life will be much more fulfilling. And because of your own experience, you can turn and ask others, “How can I best support you?” – and then listen to their answers. Offer what you can and appreciate your own interest in the well-being of others.
If we all just articulated clearly to others and the Universe how they can best support us, we would all be much happier and more than likely get more of what it is that supports us the most.
What a different experience we could all have with each other – if we just ask for it.
You Can Do It!